(This post was actually written on the night of March 31, 2010)
There are boxes stacked up around my bedroom. They reach varying heights, reminding me of the broken ruins of ancient Greek columns that I have only seen in textbook photographs and old postcards at antique stores. The few items that remain unpacked are the computer that rests beneath my fingers, a picture frame that holds a photo of my grandfather pressed against the dried flowers that once adorned his casket, and a photograph of the backyard in which I spent my childhood.
In a fit of nostalgic bliss, I imagine that I am a child again, being playfully chased by my dog, a miniature spitz with a chronic ear infection, as I run through an invisible battle field of monsters, aliens, and school bullies that can only be defeated from a blast from my Nintendo Zapper with a cut-off cord. With me are my two best friends, who would often show up at my home missing a shoe or a shirt. We let out our shrill pre-pubescent battle-cries as we bravely rush to defeat our enemies and save the entire world: my backyard. I imagine myself wrapped in the arms of my grandfather, who would tell me, tiny hero that I was, that I could do anything if I put my mind to it. I was safe and contained in those timeless days of childhood where the future seemed impossible and the world would never end.
It is getting late and I need to go to sleep. The movers will be here early tomorrow. I grab my camera and take a photograph of the front of my (soon to be former) home. An object that has no meaning unless it is woven to a story. The story of this house, as I remember it, is one that is characterized by slow progress and numerous failures. Perhaps shedding this home will cause me to shed the qualities of myself that have held me back thus far. I need to move forward. I need a change in scenery.
I need a new haircut.
Showing posts with label Intelligista. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Intelligista. Show all posts
3/28/10
If Everybody's Beautiful...
I want to be beautiful. I'm saying this with a complete lack of irony. Really. I want to be beautiful. Don't you? Tonight was the 7th annual Pretend You Are Rich Art Auction. Presumably, it ended about three hours ago. It was held at The Pump Art Complex, a collection of studio spaces and a community of artists. The auction was an exercise in fantasy, a night when the artistic community of Austin could come together and become something that many, if not most of them are not: wealthy.
But this article is not about the auction. That will come later. This article isn't really about anything. I have no map that marks a path for these words. I'm not even sure of my intent in writing this. Except that...
I'm not beautiful. Are you? I have, throughout the course of my short and short-sighted life, lived on the edges of the realm of the ugly. In show business, we call them character-actors. You can be either Juliet or Juliet's maid. My dear readers, you are in the electronic presence of Juliet's maid. In my younger days, being ugly was horrible. Given the unspeakable cruelty of children, it's not hard to imagine why. I've never understood why people believe that children are innocent, kind, perceptive, or sacred. I don't buy it. Human nastiness is most likely born of ingorance, and there is no human creature more ignorant than a child. As I grew older my ugliness became empowering. My very existence was a "Fuck you!" to all of those heartless bastards who took for granted that they were beautiful. My ugliness was freedom. I chose to be ugly. I made ugly decisions. Ugly was beautiful.
So I was an ugly child. Not surprisingly, I am an ugly adult. I have been, at least subconsciously, aware of my ugliness all of my life. But it had not become so evident to me as earlier tonight, during the auction, when I engaged in the communal fantasy of wealth, stardom, and beauty.
Fantasy should be easy for me. After all, I got my bachelors in fantasy with a fool-hardy major in theatre arts. And yet, tonight, as I stood up on that stage, with my tuxedo, my clip-on bow tie, my costume spats, as I looked around the room at our guests and patrons, called to them to spend real/pretend money, the stark reality that was hidden beneath our phony fur coats, our fake pearls, became evident.
And so now, here am I, kept awake at one in the morning, wondering, how can I become beautiful? Decorations, tattoos, piercings, cuff-links, designers shoes, hair-gel, mascara, are all distractions that hide the truth of the naked body. Similarly, knowledge, hobbies, habits, ironic references, interests, abilities, and our ability to boast of them to others; all are distractions which we emit to draw attention away from the fact that we are vulnerable. At the heart of our vulnerability lays... is it ugliness?
I can't speak but for myself.
Listen:
ugly is beautiful because it is real. Ugly is the only beauty. You can pile as much money and charisma as you like on ugly and call it beautiful. But you are lying, and you won't realize the truth and tragic beauty in ugly until there are no distractions except for you and the mirror.
Don't shatter it.
Stare.
But this article is not about the auction. That will come later. This article isn't really about anything. I have no map that marks a path for these words. I'm not even sure of my intent in writing this. Except that...
I'm not beautiful. Are you? I have, throughout the course of my short and short-sighted life, lived on the edges of the realm of the ugly. In show business, we call them character-actors. You can be either Juliet or Juliet's maid. My dear readers, you are in the electronic presence of Juliet's maid. In my younger days, being ugly was horrible. Given the unspeakable cruelty of children, it's not hard to imagine why. I've never understood why people believe that children are innocent, kind, perceptive, or sacred. I don't buy it. Human nastiness is most likely born of ingorance, and there is no human creature more ignorant than a child. As I grew older my ugliness became empowering. My very existence was a "Fuck you!" to all of those heartless bastards who took for granted that they were beautiful. My ugliness was freedom. I chose to be ugly. I made ugly decisions. Ugly was beautiful.
So I was an ugly child. Not surprisingly, I am an ugly adult. I have been, at least subconsciously, aware of my ugliness all of my life. But it had not become so evident to me as earlier tonight, during the auction, when I engaged in the communal fantasy of wealth, stardom, and beauty.
Fantasy should be easy for me. After all, I got my bachelors in fantasy with a fool-hardy major in theatre arts. And yet, tonight, as I stood up on that stage, with my tuxedo, my clip-on bow tie, my costume spats, as I looked around the room at our guests and patrons, called to them to spend real/pretend money, the stark reality that was hidden beneath our phony fur coats, our fake pearls, became evident.
And so now, here am I, kept awake at one in the morning, wondering, how can I become beautiful? Decorations, tattoos, piercings, cuff-links, designers shoes, hair-gel, mascara, are all distractions that hide the truth of the naked body. Similarly, knowledge, hobbies, habits, ironic references, interests, abilities, and our ability to boast of them to others; all are distractions which we emit to draw attention away from the fact that we are vulnerable. At the heart of our vulnerability lays... is it ugliness?
I can't speak but for myself.
Listen:
ugly is beautiful because it is real. Ugly is the only beauty. You can pile as much money and charisma as you like on ugly and call it beautiful. But you are lying, and you won't realize the truth and tragic beauty in ugly until there are no distractions except for you and the mirror.
Don't shatter it.
Stare.
5/26/09
Bigots Win a Round, But No Knock Out
So a small victory goes to the small minded today, but it is a mere door stop meant to withhold a battering ram.
I am not going to investigate the depth of simple minded, hate and fear consumed, bigotry that causes people to think that there should even be a debate over whether some people are more equal than others. We are past the point of argument here. Those who understand our reasons will continue to do so, and those who do not will continue to clutch their crosses and desperately pray for a god to take their side.
The fact of the matter is that there are still 18,000 couples in California who's status as equals serves as a reminder of the progress that we have made. There are also five states states, which is a number inconceivable to activists who tirelessly toiled as little as a decade ago. The wheels of justice turn very slowly, but they do turn.
So chin up people! Working toward a cause is never easy or fluid. It is tough, riddled with ridicule, tireless work, and disappointment.
Keep fighting California!
This Texas boy is biting his lips, clenching his fists, and still believes that this fight is far from over.
I am not going to investigate the depth of simple minded, hate and fear consumed, bigotry that causes people to think that there should even be a debate over whether some people are more equal than others. We are past the point of argument here. Those who understand our reasons will continue to do so, and those who do not will continue to clutch their crosses and desperately pray for a god to take their side.
The fact of the matter is that there are still 18,000 couples in California who's status as equals serves as a reminder of the progress that we have made. There are also five states states, which is a number inconceivable to activists who tirelessly toiled as little as a decade ago. The wheels of justice turn very slowly, but they do turn.
So chin up people! Working toward a cause is never easy or fluid. It is tough, riddled with ridicule, tireless work, and disappointment.
Keep fighting California!
This Texas boy is biting his lips, clenching his fists, and still believes that this fight is far from over.
5/7/09
prodigal daughter
That's a shitty title, but we're stuck with it. Something I read recently (I'm a champ at not being able to cite sources) talked about the Prodigal Son's real moral as one that demonstrates the fact that some people do not wish to be loved. Which if you think about it, is totally different and more poignant than the whole unconditional forgiveness Sunday school spin. Why am I talking about alternate bible interpretations? Maybe that can be, like, my thing. Tomorrow: Leviticus -- god's call for the chosen to eat fish sticks. (You're fucked Richard)
And anyway all I meant by prodigal is that I don't frequent the talkhard blog, though I intend to start. I definitely want to be loved. Like probably too much. Like probably way too much. My cat is rubbing his face raw against my laptop while I write this, I think to demonstrate that he sympathizes with my need to be lavished with affection. Or else he's just a fucking cat.
In other important global events: I hate/am jealous of people who use the phrase "meta" frequently and appropriately. As retribution I'm going to start using it as arbitrarily as possible.
Person Who Isn't Me: Hey, Nicole-- Do you believe breakfast really is the most important meal of the day, or is that just more greeting card company hullabaloo?
Me: (thoughtful pause) Meta.
Person Who Isn't Me 2: Let's play kickball!
Me: (pregnant hesitation) Meta.
Updates to follow
(but probably I'll just forget the whole experiment or bore of it. Not a lot of follow-through with this kid)
And anyway all I meant by prodigal is that I don't frequent the talkhard blog, though I intend to start. I definitely want to be loved. Like probably too much. Like probably way too much. My cat is rubbing his face raw against my laptop while I write this, I think to demonstrate that he sympathizes with my need to be lavished with affection. Or else he's just a fucking cat.
In other important global events: I hate/am jealous of people who use the phrase "meta" frequently and appropriately. As retribution I'm going to start using it as arbitrarily as possible.
Person Who Isn't Me: Hey, Nicole-- Do you believe breakfast really is the most important meal of the day, or is that just more greeting card company hullabaloo?
Me: (thoughtful pause) Meta.
Person Who Isn't Me 2: Let's play kickball!
Me: (pregnant hesitation) Meta.
Updates to follow
(but probably I'll just forget the whole experiment or bore of it. Not a lot of follow-through with this kid)
2/20/09
nicole is here now
florida's the shriveled cock of america. and i'm so stoked about spring break. and i am once again a blogger. woot woot.
2/19/09
The 46 Albums that Shaped me
(In chronological order)
1. Halloween Sound Effects Tapes/Edgar Allen Poe Stories
My parents bought one every year for Halloween. After the holiday, I would save them and listen to them as I went to sleep. One year my mom brought home a cassette of abridged Poe stories being read over creepy sound effects. I must have listened to The Pit and the Pendulum over a hundred times.
2. This One Cassette of Christian Songs That Frightened the Hell Out of Me
I don’t know who gave this album to me, nor do I remember much of it except for this one song that was about the dangers of sin and the horrors of eternal punishment. Scared the hell out of me, but I was compelled to hear it again and again.
3. Oliver & Company Soundtrack
“Why should I worry? Why should I care?”
4. Flood, They Might Be Giants
I first heard Particle Man and Istanbul not Constantinople during an episode of Tiny Toon Adventures. It was also the first music video that I remember seeing.
5. Weird “Al” Yankovic, The Food Album
“Nobody appreciates a guy with a good imagination.”
6. Kraftwerk, Computer World
My dad worked at a record store when I was a kid. One day he brought me home this album and told me that it was the way of the future. I believed him.
7. Jethro Tull, Thick as a Brick
Yet another recommendation of my father’s. We would jam out to this album together so much that one day he bought it for me.
8. The Presidents of the United States of America, Self-titled
I was always an outcast throughout school. Once, during the seventh grade, I was singing Lump to myself and a girl in front of me turned around and said, “wow, you are actually cool.” She never spoke to me again after that, but I never forgot the first time that somebody actually called me cool. It wouldn’t happen again until college.
9. Metallica, The Black Album
Entering high school now. Overweight, no social skills, bad at sports, big ears, a walking target. Yeah, I was angry.
10. White Zombie, Astro-Creep: 2000
My closest friends at the time started listening to a lot of metal at the start of high school. I listened to a lot of Pantera and Marilyn Manson and so on, but White Zombie was definitely my favorite. I still listen to this album today.
11. Alanis Morrisette, Jagged Little Pill
Yeah, the metal thing didn’t last long.
12. Soul Asylum, Candy from a Stranger
Don’t even remember how I found this album, nor would I listen to it today, but this album was my junior year of high school.
13. Weezer, The Blue Album
Everything changed when I found Weezer. I could say that this and Pinkerton are the most pivotal albums in the development of my musical taste.
14. Weezer, Pinkerton
Legendary. Every song on this album was written about me. No, really.
15. Rushmore Soundtrack
I wish I lived in a Wes Anderson movie. I would be so clever and sharply dressed and would get to meet Bill Murray. Oh well, with this album, I can at least pretend.
16. Cat Stevens, Teaser and the Firecat
I will never stop listening to Cat Stevens. I just can’t do it.
17. Radiohead, Kid A
I have listened to Radiohead before, but Kid A was the album that sucked me in. I listened to this album during rehearsals for a play called Oh Best Beloved. It was my first year of college.
18. The Anniversary, Designing a Nervous Breakdown
This album and I shared a five month long period of depression that brought us incredibly close.
19. The Get Up Kids, Red Letter Day (EP)
Not only was this abum important to me, but I believe that Mass Pike is one of the most important songs in music. Period. Now if you excuse me, I’m going to drive to work sreaming the lyrics to Red Letter Day at the top of my lungs. No, I’m not drunk.
20. Sigur Ros, Ágætis byrjun
This is one of those albums that always happened to be playing whenever anything important (tragic or joyful) was happening. It has therefore engraved itself as part of the soundtrack of my life.
21. Ozma, Rock and Roll Part Three and The Doubble Donkey Disc
So now I finally have the internet and I am learning how to find music online. I downloaded some songs from both these albums as I got into them, so I have to classify both of them as one. Eventually I would buy these albums when I saw Ozma live in Houston with The Impossibles.
22. The Postal Service, Give Up
I have listened to this album consistently since it came out and have still not gotten tired of it.
23. Sigur Ros, ( )
I wrote my first play while listening to this album. I may have lost my mind also, but I found it in a bush in the backyard next to the plastic Santa Clause.
24. Tilly and the Wall, Wild Like Children
I picked this album up when I saw them open for Rilo Kiley at Emo’s. I see them every time they come to Austin. Amazing live show. Right up there with the Red Elvises and Of Montreal. Go see them.
25. Lou Reed, Transformer
Anybody who wants to know how this album affected me should read Issue # 2 of TalkHard Magazine.
26. Dan Bern, Self-Titled
Jerusalem may be the most important song of my entire life. I sing it to myself every day, and if you ever want me to sing it to you, just ask me and I will. There are a tremendous few who understand where this comes from.
27. The Shins, Chutes to Narrow
This album is the perfect soundtrack to your life during those brief moments of beauty. Once I had a beautiful moment last for around three solid months with this album playing the whole time.
28. Pedro the Lion, It’s Hard to Find a Friend
I’ve been listening to this album, trying to remember why it is so important, but now I’m just so depressed that I can’t move. Leave me alone.
29. The Decemberists, Her Majesty The Decemberists
If Red Right Ankle ever plays in my proximity, I will shed a tear and sing along at the top of my lungs. Seriously. This album found me during the midst of the Blue Cave Den. If anybody who was there is reading this, I have something to tell you: the Mama Tree was cut down.
30. The Beatles, The White Album
I once knew a girl who sang Why Don’t We Do It In the Road? to me as I took a leak on the side of an apartment building in San Antonio. Now I am often compelled to sing it at inappropriate times. Ah, memories.
31. Rilo Kiley, More Adventurous
Remember those three months of solid beauty I mentioned? Well, at the end of the beauty, I found More Adventurous.
32. Tom Waits, The Early Years Vol 2
Thus began my love of Tom Waits, which has never waivered. This album in particular takes me back to a brief period of my life when I worked as a Carpenter in Boerne, TX. Every morning before work I would watch Harold and Maude. My daily drive was down a long path of highway that was overgrown with sunflowers and bluebonnets, like an expressionistic paining flowing by me on both sides. The evenings were when I would listen to Tom Waits, surrounded by close friends, subtle romance, and the excitement of an upcoming adventure. We were all happy prisoners together on the verge of being set free.
33. Her Space Holiday, The Young Machines
Me and close friends and this album on a road trip from Texas to Maine.
34. The Format, Interventions and Lullibies
There is a lighthouse in Maine, off the coast of Acadia, that I shared with this album.
35. The Good Life, Album of the Year
I learned how to play the harmonica by playing along with this album. I also learned that you can never go back home. Ever.
36. Yann Tiersen, Le Phare
I adore this man’s music. In fact, I still listen to this album nearly every day. It inspires me like no other album ever has.
37. Death Cab for Cutie, Plans
Yes, I know that Transatlanticism is their best album, but this is the album that I took with me when I moved to Austin. At that point in my life, I seriously thought that I was the messiah. Yeah. That’s right. I have no explanation for that.
38. Ben Folds, Songs for Silverman
This album reminds me of one of my closest friends, which is weird because we were in a fight throughout the time I listened to it the most. It was my fault, by the way.
39. Tom Waits, Raindogs
I used to go to some incredibly debaucherous parties, every Tuesday night, only a couple of years ago. Yes, they were legendary. I have seen and done things of which I am not proud, oh hell, yes I am. Anyway, we would dance to Raindogs at every single one of these parties without exception.
40. Don Mclean, American Pie
This album and I spent some serious time alone together in a cursed house. There was the residue of death in every room. I lost it. Everybody who came inside did. Let’s not talk about it, okay? I hope that place sinks into the earth. I hope it is swallowed. Great album though.
41. Simon and Garfunkel, Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme
It just is. I can’t think of why. But this is where it belongs.
42. Iron and Wine, Our Endless Numbered Days
Holy mother of god this album is beautiful!
43. Sun Kil Moon, Ghosts of the Great Highway
When I first moved to Austin, years before I actually listened to this band, I stayed in the basement apartment of my friend Anna. She gave me a guayabera (that I still cherish) and let me use her freezing cold shower. She read my stories and told me that they were too sad and asked for advice about a boy she liked. She really helped me when I was getting started, and I haven’t forgotten that. We lost touch rather quickly, though I have heard that she is married now. Anyway, she played this album as I dozed off on her windowsill. Much later, when I heard the album, it sounded familiar and safe. I listened to it and gradually found a memory that I thought was long forgotten.
44. The Indelicates, American Demo
This album totally sums up how I feel about music today. It makes me feel both powerful and defeated.
45. Of Montreal, Skeletal Lamping
This album makes me think of somebody special.
46. Antony and the Johnsons, The Crying Light
The final album on my list. I have only recently discovered it. It brings me endless inspiraton. This may be a little premature, but I think that I will be listening to this one for years to come.
Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed my list. You will never get this time back.
Sucka-lucka-lucka!
1. Halloween Sound Effects Tapes/Edgar Allen Poe Stories
My parents bought one every year for Halloween. After the holiday, I would save them and listen to them as I went to sleep. One year my mom brought home a cassette of abridged Poe stories being read over creepy sound effects. I must have listened to The Pit and the Pendulum over a hundred times.
2. This One Cassette of Christian Songs That Frightened the Hell Out of Me
I don’t know who gave this album to me, nor do I remember much of it except for this one song that was about the dangers of sin and the horrors of eternal punishment. Scared the hell out of me, but I was compelled to hear it again and again.
3. Oliver & Company Soundtrack
“Why should I worry? Why should I care?”
4. Flood, They Might Be Giants
I first heard Particle Man and Istanbul not Constantinople during an episode of Tiny Toon Adventures. It was also the first music video that I remember seeing.
5. Weird “Al” Yankovic, The Food Album
“Nobody appreciates a guy with a good imagination.”
6. Kraftwerk, Computer World
My dad worked at a record store when I was a kid. One day he brought me home this album and told me that it was the way of the future. I believed him.
7. Jethro Tull, Thick as a Brick
Yet another recommendation of my father’s. We would jam out to this album together so much that one day he bought it for me.
8. The Presidents of the United States of America, Self-titled
I was always an outcast throughout school. Once, during the seventh grade, I was singing Lump to myself and a girl in front of me turned around and said, “wow, you are actually cool.” She never spoke to me again after that, but I never forgot the first time that somebody actually called me cool. It wouldn’t happen again until college.
9. Metallica, The Black Album
Entering high school now. Overweight, no social skills, bad at sports, big ears, a walking target. Yeah, I was angry.
10. White Zombie, Astro-Creep: 2000
My closest friends at the time started listening to a lot of metal at the start of high school. I listened to a lot of Pantera and Marilyn Manson and so on, but White Zombie was definitely my favorite. I still listen to this album today.
11. Alanis Morrisette, Jagged Little Pill
Yeah, the metal thing didn’t last long.
12. Soul Asylum, Candy from a Stranger
Don’t even remember how I found this album, nor would I listen to it today, but this album was my junior year of high school.
13. Weezer, The Blue Album
Everything changed when I found Weezer. I could say that this and Pinkerton are the most pivotal albums in the development of my musical taste.
14. Weezer, Pinkerton
Legendary. Every song on this album was written about me. No, really.
15. Rushmore Soundtrack
I wish I lived in a Wes Anderson movie. I would be so clever and sharply dressed and would get to meet Bill Murray. Oh well, with this album, I can at least pretend.
16. Cat Stevens, Teaser and the Firecat
I will never stop listening to Cat Stevens. I just can’t do it.
17. Radiohead, Kid A
I have listened to Radiohead before, but Kid A was the album that sucked me in. I listened to this album during rehearsals for a play called Oh Best Beloved. It was my first year of college.
18. The Anniversary, Designing a Nervous Breakdown
This album and I shared a five month long period of depression that brought us incredibly close.
19. The Get Up Kids, Red Letter Day (EP)
Not only was this abum important to me, but I believe that Mass Pike is one of the most important songs in music. Period. Now if you excuse me, I’m going to drive to work sreaming the lyrics to Red Letter Day at the top of my lungs. No, I’m not drunk.
20. Sigur Ros, Ágætis byrjun
This is one of those albums that always happened to be playing whenever anything important (tragic or joyful) was happening. It has therefore engraved itself as part of the soundtrack of my life.
21. Ozma, Rock and Roll Part Three and The Doubble Donkey Disc
So now I finally have the internet and I am learning how to find music online. I downloaded some songs from both these albums as I got into them, so I have to classify both of them as one. Eventually I would buy these albums when I saw Ozma live in Houston with The Impossibles.
22. The Postal Service, Give Up
I have listened to this album consistently since it came out and have still not gotten tired of it.
23. Sigur Ros, ( )
I wrote my first play while listening to this album. I may have lost my mind also, but I found it in a bush in the backyard next to the plastic Santa Clause.
24. Tilly and the Wall, Wild Like Children
I picked this album up when I saw them open for Rilo Kiley at Emo’s. I see them every time they come to Austin. Amazing live show. Right up there with the Red Elvises and Of Montreal. Go see them.
25. Lou Reed, Transformer
Anybody who wants to know how this album affected me should read Issue # 2 of TalkHard Magazine.
26. Dan Bern, Self-Titled
Jerusalem may be the most important song of my entire life. I sing it to myself every day, and if you ever want me to sing it to you, just ask me and I will. There are a tremendous few who understand where this comes from.
27. The Shins, Chutes to Narrow
This album is the perfect soundtrack to your life during those brief moments of beauty. Once I had a beautiful moment last for around three solid months with this album playing the whole time.
28. Pedro the Lion, It’s Hard to Find a Friend
I’ve been listening to this album, trying to remember why it is so important, but now I’m just so depressed that I can’t move. Leave me alone.
29. The Decemberists, Her Majesty The Decemberists
If Red Right Ankle ever plays in my proximity, I will shed a tear and sing along at the top of my lungs. Seriously. This album found me during the midst of the Blue Cave Den. If anybody who was there is reading this, I have something to tell you: the Mama Tree was cut down.
30. The Beatles, The White Album
I once knew a girl who sang Why Don’t We Do It In the Road? to me as I took a leak on the side of an apartment building in San Antonio. Now I am often compelled to sing it at inappropriate times. Ah, memories.
31. Rilo Kiley, More Adventurous
Remember those three months of solid beauty I mentioned? Well, at the end of the beauty, I found More Adventurous.
32. Tom Waits, The Early Years Vol 2
Thus began my love of Tom Waits, which has never waivered. This album in particular takes me back to a brief period of my life when I worked as a Carpenter in Boerne, TX. Every morning before work I would watch Harold and Maude. My daily drive was down a long path of highway that was overgrown with sunflowers and bluebonnets, like an expressionistic paining flowing by me on both sides. The evenings were when I would listen to Tom Waits, surrounded by close friends, subtle romance, and the excitement of an upcoming adventure. We were all happy prisoners together on the verge of being set free.
33. Her Space Holiday, The Young Machines
Me and close friends and this album on a road trip from Texas to Maine.
34. The Format, Interventions and Lullibies
There is a lighthouse in Maine, off the coast of Acadia, that I shared with this album.
35. The Good Life, Album of the Year
I learned how to play the harmonica by playing along with this album. I also learned that you can never go back home. Ever.
36. Yann Tiersen, Le Phare
I adore this man’s music. In fact, I still listen to this album nearly every day. It inspires me like no other album ever has.
37. Death Cab for Cutie, Plans
Yes, I know that Transatlanticism is their best album, but this is the album that I took with me when I moved to Austin. At that point in my life, I seriously thought that I was the messiah. Yeah. That’s right. I have no explanation for that.
38. Ben Folds, Songs for Silverman
This album reminds me of one of my closest friends, which is weird because we were in a fight throughout the time I listened to it the most. It was my fault, by the way.
39. Tom Waits, Raindogs
I used to go to some incredibly debaucherous parties, every Tuesday night, only a couple of years ago. Yes, they were legendary. I have seen and done things of which I am not proud, oh hell, yes I am. Anyway, we would dance to Raindogs at every single one of these parties without exception.
40. Don Mclean, American Pie
This album and I spent some serious time alone together in a cursed house. There was the residue of death in every room. I lost it. Everybody who came inside did. Let’s not talk about it, okay? I hope that place sinks into the earth. I hope it is swallowed. Great album though.
41. Simon and Garfunkel, Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme
It just is. I can’t think of why. But this is where it belongs.
42. Iron and Wine, Our Endless Numbered Days
Holy mother of god this album is beautiful!
43. Sun Kil Moon, Ghosts of the Great Highway
When I first moved to Austin, years before I actually listened to this band, I stayed in the basement apartment of my friend Anna. She gave me a guayabera (that I still cherish) and let me use her freezing cold shower. She read my stories and told me that they were too sad and asked for advice about a boy she liked. She really helped me when I was getting started, and I haven’t forgotten that. We lost touch rather quickly, though I have heard that she is married now. Anyway, she played this album as I dozed off on her windowsill. Much later, when I heard the album, it sounded familiar and safe. I listened to it and gradually found a memory that I thought was long forgotten.
44. The Indelicates, American Demo
This album totally sums up how I feel about music today. It makes me feel both powerful and defeated.
45. Of Montreal, Skeletal Lamping
This album makes me think of somebody special.
46. Antony and the Johnsons, The Crying Light
The final album on my list. I have only recently discovered it. It brings me endless inspiraton. This may be a little premature, but I think that I will be listening to this one for years to come.
Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed my list. You will never get this time back.
Sucka-lucka-lucka!
2/2/09
painstaking introduction aside...
Tequila + triple sec + orange juice = welcome to TalkHard.
My name is Jonnie and I can't stop listening to a song on repeat. For the past hour.
So welcome to TalkHard. This blog is going to supplement the zine that we distribute across the condo-covered city that is Austin, Texas. We have put out a few issues already, and you may have read them. Good for you. We're friends now. Our next issue is coming out pretty soon, probably in a couple of weeks. I'll keep you posted.
The song is Let Down, by the way.
So my name is Jonnie and I have some things to say that involve the following subjects:
-I love/hate/can't stop having sex with Austin
-Hey, did you know that (so and so)?
-What the fuck is wrong with America/Austin/my/your/neighborhood and what can we do to fix it?
-My houseplant told me...
-Talkhard is having a contest for whoever can write (will fill in the blank later)
-Gawd, people are so stupid/careless
-Seriously, what is wrong with us?
-(waaaaay too personal...)
-Here's how you can help (yourself/others)...
-Why are you even here?
-The new issue of TalkHard is at (insert locations)
-Check out this thing I made!
-Boo hoo hoo...
-Yadda yadda yadda
-You you you you you!
-Me me me me me me!
So here we go. Lets do this.
Blogs away.
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