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12/9/09
12/8/09
12/7/09
12/4/09
Emergency Casserole
What I found was a delightfully cacauphonous mixture of music, sketch, and performance. The show itself, like the the discarded trinkets littered arond town for which palfloat is already known, was an ecclectic and almost nonsensical affair injected with humor. Often I found myself laughing at the non-sequiter monologues and dialogues even when I did not know why. Lines like: "I'm ready for some new bagel flavors," and "My first job out of college was analyzing ZZ-Top lyrics," kept the show feeling whimsical.
The patchwork performances were tied together by the weird humor of the River Boat Captain, who hosted a quiz show in which the audience could win prizes for answering unusual bits of trivia. In fact, there were prizes given away throughout the entire performance, ranging from the usual Science Bear Arcade knick-knacks like Nerf Margaritas and Arby-Dolls, to Palfloat DVD's and Top Gun on VHS.
Some of the highlights of the show included Community Lotion performing a clever song about the chestburster scene in the film Alien and a hilarous sketch in which a man endures the worst job interview in history. Also noteworthy was an interesting performance piece in which the artist painted while using her limbs to cast shadows to grinding musical score. The show was backdropped by bizzarre projections by miss Lori 16mm Varga and the music was handled by the fake mustasched DJ Trail Mix, a cowboy Burt Reynolds look-alike.
Also, the food at Cherrywood Cafe was excellent. After the show I learned that they were giving away paintings, so I grabbed this one:
It was a ton of fun. They do shows with some frequency, and I definitely recommend checking the next one out.
Check out the blogs of some of the artists:
http://amandahbjones.wordpress.com/
http://www.palfloat.com/b/
and here is a link to some slides by Lory 16mm Varga:
http://www.mnae.org/gallery/lori-surfer-varga-FILM-and-SLIDE-installations
11/21/09
11/19/09
Window
___
I live on the outskirts
In the servant houses
Of the rich
With my one good suit
Gripping a Bordeaux
Gaping at the opulence
Across the window
Looking in
Like Fitzgerald
Fettered
Not having
In weakness wanting
Faking
Peering
Through windshield glass
For a prize worth taking
Breaking a barrier
Barring the wealth
Thinking of dealing
To make a living
Without stealing
Ineffectual Intellectual
With a nametag
And wet dynamite
Beneath my ribcage
A library card
And a mouth of pulled
Teeth
A crook
Me
Guilty of being
More free than free
Brave with failure
And unsatisfied
With the opulence
Across the window
I live on the outskirts
In the servant houses
Of the rich
With my one good suit
Gripping a Bordeaux
Gaping at the opulence
Across the window
Looking in
Like Fitzgerald
Fettered
Not having
In weakness wanting
Faking
Peering
Through windshield glass
For a prize worth taking
Breaking a barrier
Barring the wealth
Thinking of dealing
To make a living
Without stealing
Ineffectual Intellectual
With a nametag
And wet dynamite
Beneath my ribcage
A library card
And a mouth of pulled
Teeth
A crook
Me
Guilty of being
More free than free
Brave with failure
And unsatisfied
With the opulence
Across the window
Shopping At Wallmart
___
I can’t afford not to be here,
Among the morbidly obese,
Hobbling down the aisles
With their fat children,
Who know no better
Than the deer hunters,
The patriots,
Stockpiling rifles,
Pistols and canned foods,
To protect themselves
From me.
I can’t afford not to be here,
Among the morbidly obese,
Hobbling down the aisles
With their fat children,
Who know no better
Than the deer hunters,
The patriots,
Stockpiling rifles,
Pistols and canned foods,
To protect themselves
From me.
11/18/09
Stephen Paul Skinner
Our new 2010 Trucks have heated steering wheels. That's right. Your ultra sensitive truck driving hands will never have to feel the icy sting of the wheel again. If you read about the history of Chrysler from their perspective, you will learn that Chrysler has patented more innovations that Ford and GMC combined. Things like heated steering wheels are, in my opinion, along the same line as bacon flavored mayonnaise, useless, excessive, and utterly American.
Our new sales guy has been in the car business for years. When I ask him if he could change his name to any other than the one he has, he tells it would be Stephen Paul Skinner. He scratches his freckled bald head, puts his mouth to a make shift blowgun and *pops* a stray balloon at the ceiling. "Push pins," he says, utterly delighted with himself. "It shoots push pins. Do you got any?" When I ask him why he chose that name, he tells me that his birth mother gave him that name before she put him up for adoption. She didn't want his birth certificate to not have a name. It was eventually changed by his adopted parents, and he learned his original name years later.
Stephen Paul Skinner.
His one link to his mother. Three proper nouns. They give cause to wonder. Stephen Paul Skinner loads up another push pin and *pop* goes another balloon. The phone calls are flooding in. Customers are looking to get their vehicles fixed, looking to complain, every once in a while one will want to buy a new vehicle. Something that is reliable, affordable, and gets good gas mileage. Most of them won't be able to afford anything, which shouldn't come as a surprise in this economy. This is a time for cutbacks. HEB brand groceries and cheap toilet paper. But if any of you need a heated steering wheel in your giant-ass pick up truck, I have one question for you.
Really?
Our new sales guy has been in the car business for years. When I ask him if he could change his name to any other than the one he has, he tells it would be Stephen Paul Skinner. He scratches his freckled bald head, puts his mouth to a make shift blowgun and *pops* a stray balloon at the ceiling. "Push pins," he says, utterly delighted with himself. "It shoots push pins. Do you got any?" When I ask him why he chose that name, he tells me that his birth mother gave him that name before she put him up for adoption. She didn't want his birth certificate to not have a name. It was eventually changed by his adopted parents, and he learned his original name years later.
Stephen Paul Skinner.
His one link to his mother. Three proper nouns. They give cause to wonder. Stephen Paul Skinner loads up another push pin and *pop* goes another balloon. The phone calls are flooding in. Customers are looking to get their vehicles fixed, looking to complain, every once in a while one will want to buy a new vehicle. Something that is reliable, affordable, and gets good gas mileage. Most of them won't be able to afford anything, which shouldn't come as a surprise in this economy. This is a time for cutbacks. HEB brand groceries and cheap toilet paper. But if any of you need a heated steering wheel in your giant-ass pick up truck, I have one question for you.
Really?
11/12/09
Snap into a bad romance!
Okay, I'll admit it. I love the new Lady Gaga video. Huge news in Gaga Land everybody! Is Lady Gaga the new Slim Jim mascot? Macho Man would be proud.
10/2/09
Dire September
Another salesperson is gone. Blake, who sauntered in with confidence and sunglasses. Blake was a closer. He told me himself. But he also joined the business during the month of September, which was surprisingly slow. Nobody did well this month. Somebody had to go. There will probably be more to follow. A dire September.
Bonnie thinks that September is slow because the Cash for Clunkers program pulled a lot of buyers out of the market during August. This article supports her assumption.
As I have mentioned in earlier blogs, salespeople don't like to look back. There is no paycheck in the past. You can't eat it or live in it. However, after a month like September, looking back becomes necessary. The furthest back you look in sales is 30 days. No further. And now the repercussions of September are being felt. Management is experimenting with the fine details of how the dealership is run, hoping that a slight change here or there might be the golden trigger.
The sales staff will bend and fold as they need. Anything to sell a car. "October is going to be great!" says Alfredo. "And know how I know why? 'Cause nothing can be worse than September." He's right. His optimism is the trademark of the salesperson. Doubt can lead to a poor performance, which is a quick ticket out of here. Alfredo will do fine, and so will this dealership because the sales team here are always looking forward. That is the golden trigger. They will keep on pulling it until it fires.
Bonnie thinks that September is slow because the Cash for Clunkers program pulled a lot of buyers out of the market during August. This article supports her assumption.
As I have mentioned in earlier blogs, salespeople don't like to look back. There is no paycheck in the past. You can't eat it or live in it. However, after a month like September, looking back becomes necessary. The furthest back you look in sales is 30 days. No further. And now the repercussions of September are being felt. Management is experimenting with the fine details of how the dealership is run, hoping that a slight change here or there might be the golden trigger.
The sales staff will bend and fold as they need. Anything to sell a car. "October is going to be great!" says Alfredo. "And know how I know why? 'Cause nothing can be worse than September." He's right. His optimism is the trademark of the salesperson. Doubt can lead to a poor performance, which is a quick ticket out of here. Alfredo will do fine, and so will this dealership because the sales team here are always looking forward. That is the golden trigger. They will keep on pulling it until it fires.
9/1/09
The New Guy
Soul got hit by a car. Twice. So he won't be back for a while. One of our new guys is sitting in his office. Lucky break. His name is Angel. His brother used to work here months ago. Angel is from Puerto Rico.
Margaret needs a good trial lawyer who will work for the fees of a court appointed attorney. I tell her that she would need to find somebody with an altruistic streak to who would take on her son's case. I don't tell her that I believe it is hopeless for him.
The month is over. Final numbers are being turned in.
Angel sits in Soul's desk, going over paperwork. I like him. He is excitable, and commands himself like this dealership is a schoolyard playground. He believes that his life is beautiful. That he or anybody can make it in America. He falls in love with every woman he sees. Sincerely. Every woman he sees is America. He is brimming with confidence. With expectation.
He hasn't sold a car yet.
Marcos comes up to my desk to check out. He needs to go to the bank. I ask him why nobody has taken their day off today, and why everybody is here early. "We didn't sell enough cars last month. No days off." Another seventy-two hour week for the guys.
My switchboard rings. I answer the line and the voice on the other end asks for Angel. I connect the call and watch Angel's grin fall from his face. He places Soul's phone back on the receiver. "Not this time," he says to himself. I feel sorry for him. I am sad that he came to Texas of all places from Puerto Rico. I am sad that he came when he did, during these hard times, particularly for Chrysler. I wonder if he will learn. Change. Become a true blue salesman. Live a life dominated by contracts and closing deals. I just don't see that happening to Angel, but he will hold on because this job is America to him.
This business will destroy him.
Margaret needs a good trial lawyer who will work for the fees of a court appointed attorney. I tell her that she would need to find somebody with an altruistic streak to who would take on her son's case. I don't tell her that I believe it is hopeless for him.
The month is over. Final numbers are being turned in.
Angel sits in Soul's desk, going over paperwork. I like him. He is excitable, and commands himself like this dealership is a schoolyard playground. He believes that his life is beautiful. That he or anybody can make it in America. He falls in love with every woman he sees. Sincerely. Every woman he sees is America. He is brimming with confidence. With expectation.
He hasn't sold a car yet.
Marcos comes up to my desk to check out. He needs to go to the bank. I ask him why nobody has taken their day off today, and why everybody is here early. "We didn't sell enough cars last month. No days off." Another seventy-two hour week for the guys.
My switchboard rings. I answer the line and the voice on the other end asks for Angel. I connect the call and watch Angel's grin fall from his face. He places Soul's phone back on the receiver. "Not this time," he says to himself. I feel sorry for him. I am sad that he came to Texas of all places from Puerto Rico. I am sad that he came when he did, during these hard times, particularly for Chrysler. I wonder if he will learn. Change. Become a true blue salesman. Live a life dominated by contracts and closing deals. I just don't see that happening to Angel, but he will hold on because this job is America to him.
This business will destroy him.
7/11/09
Joose it up!
JOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!
What can I say? I'm a marketing whore, and though I don't think that Joose was target marketed to guys like me, I still couldn't resist the appeal of a drink that promised a whopping 9.9% alcohol content. Juice it up!
I wasn't expecting much. Though, at the time, I did not know that Joose is an energy drink/malt liquor beverage...thing. I thought it was booze only, without the energy. It tasted like sweet tarts mixed with cough syrup. I couldn't swallow it. Also, upon spitting the terrible tasting drink (I bought the Jungle Joose flavor) into my kitchen sink, I discovered that it was bright green in color. Fucking gross. I guess it is supposed to look like candy, or MD 20/20.
After brushing my teeth, I checked out the Joose website, jammed out the the Joose Player, looked at some "Joosen" party people, and came to the conclusion that I couln't ever have that time back. Or my money.
(Sigh) Looks like the only thing I'll be "Joosen" up are my massive pecks.
7/6/09
Goodbye Mr. Kidd
At approximately 12:09 in the afternoon, Mr. Jason Kidd placed two bean and cheese tacos on my desk and then announced that he was leaving our dealership. As I have mentioned numerous times, auto sales is a migratory business. Sales staff flock from dealership to dealership like birds at the change of seasons. It was inevitable, therefore, that Jason Kidd would leave us, as will all of these sales people eventually. It fazes nobody. As I ate my tacos, I listened to the sales staff quietly mutter variations of a phrase containing the words Jason and gone. But business continues as usual. Tomorrow, the only people who remember him here will be his customers and me.
I am sad to see him go.
I genuinely enjoyed working with Jason, who had been survived being shot in the face when he was younger, and had the scars to prove it. One time, Jason convinced me that his father-in-law was involved in some famous dealings with a well known Texas politician and I was so thrilled to hear the story that I relayed it to some friends only to learn that he was telling me the plot to the movie Charlie Wilson's War. But Jason could tell a story with such innocent elation it made me want to believe him. And I think I do.
He also helped to get me on the CAD grant review panel by introducing me to one of his customers, who was none other than the city grant coordinator. He encouraged me to not give up on my quest to embark on the same path that every salesperson eventually takes: the path that leads away from here. He would always joke that once I had a real career I could take him out to dinner.
And I will.
I am sad to see him go.
I genuinely enjoyed working with Jason, who had been survived being shot in the face when he was younger, and had the scars to prove it. One time, Jason convinced me that his father-in-law was involved in some famous dealings with a well known Texas politician and I was so thrilled to hear the story that I relayed it to some friends only to learn that he was telling me the plot to the movie Charlie Wilson's War. But Jason could tell a story with such innocent elation it made me want to believe him. And I think I do.
He also helped to get me on the CAD grant review panel by introducing me to one of his customers, who was none other than the city grant coordinator. He encouraged me to not give up on my quest to embark on the same path that every salesperson eventually takes: the path that leads away from here. He would always joke that once I had a real career I could take him out to dinner.
And I will.
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