How not to make a zine. Chapter Two

Why didn't we start a blog a year ago?

Finally, the next issue of TalkHard is on the way. The articles are written, the cover is done, and we are laying out the issue as we speak. The latest issue should be kicking Austin in the face early March. I'll let you all know as soon as it comes out. It will be found at the usual places. Also, we are going to have a live reading of this issue, so if any of you out there in TV land want to participate, just let us know.


As soon as I learn more about how to lay out blogs, I will be uploading the old issues in their entirety for our readers to enjoy! More on this tomorrow, as I am going to bed soon.

Here is a sneak peak at the cover:

Rad, huh? Our buddy Trick designed it. Check out his website, tricktricky. Its in the links to the right.


Oscar recap

So we were spectacularly wrong. But not about Winslet. or Ledger. Well kind of about Ledger.

How appropos that a movie about foreign poverty would win this year (economic crisis... what we inflicted on the world for eight years.. etc.). Congrats to all the Desi kids relegated to the back row. You should have all been sitting on Jolie's lap.

Diet Coke lost, though. I know that much.

Fucking PSHoffman in a beanie. That, ladies and gents, is how it's done.


OSCAR picks 2009

Richard and My take on what liberal fatcat's taking home a golden statue

R: Slumdog Millionaire made me fall back in love with being alive. It was the first truly globalized movie. Not just amazing, but intellectually appealing.
N: Milk had everything I needed. But also I like watching boys make out.

R&N: Winslet wins! Winslet wins! GOOOOOOOAAAAAL!!!!

N: Langella makes the most sense. Fallen despot too prideful to feel anything but sorry for? I will lick those jowls.
R: I can’t remember who else was up for actor.

N: For having such a unassuming face, Marisa Tomei makes everything evident in the stitch of an eyebrow or the twitch of a nipple. Nineties sucked.
R: Marisa Tomei all the way. She’s the hottest 75 year old I’ve ever seen.

N: R.D. junior. Non-ironic blackface meets ironic blackface meets-- how the hell did we get here? Also, best comeback EVER. Let’s not spoil it. p.s. if Heath Ledger would’ve died a little later he would totally be my pick.
R: Philip Seymour Hoffman: don’t you just wanna lie in bed and cuddle with him? I bet he’s a good cuddler. Haven’t seen the movie though.

N: Wall-E made me cry like a baby, but I was also on my period.
R: Wall-E. duh.

N: Dark Knight. If only for the vehicles.
R: Dark Knight cause Heath Ledger’s dead.

N: Slumdog Millionaire was so pretty. Those colors -- I could smell them. They were crunchy. And tasted like curry.
R: Slumdog Millionaire, it was just so fast paced. I was never bored. And I get bored so easily. I’m already bored just talking about it.

N: Boyle, but with VanSant hot on his heels. Tough one. This category is one of the hardest to decide.
R: Boyle for 28 Days Later

N: Slumdog. So technically perfect. Bollyriffic.
R: See above.

N: Hellboy II for sure. Guillermo DelToro rocks my box. I want to crawl inside that brain.
R: Ditto

N: Slumdog: rockin.
R: Have you bought any soundtracks to any of these movies? Cause I downloaded Slumdog. Sucka Lucka.

N: The Dark Knight prolly, but I’m not all that equipped to say.
R: Benjamin Button for fooling the academy into nominating it for so many awards. That has to be some kind of effect. I’m calling shenanigans.

N: How can you manage to make a talky fucking political play into a genuinely engaging screenplay? I don’t know, ask that guy that adapted Frost/Nixon.
R: The Reader. I haven’t actually seen The Reader, but I read the first chapter and it was pretty good. I have no reason for this.

N: Wall-E. I don’t have to answer to any of you.
R: Oh yeah, Wall-E. It’s funny cause there’s so little actual script.

N: Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s a shoe-in
R: My money’s on Heath Ledger.


nicole is here now

florida's the shriveled cock of america. and i'm so stoked about spring break. and i am once again a blogger. woot woot.


The 46 Albums that Shaped me

(In chronological order)

1. Halloween Sound Effects Tapes/Edgar Allen Poe Stories
My parents bought one every year for Halloween. After the holiday, I would save them and listen to them as I went to sleep. One year my mom brought home a cassette of abridged Poe stories being read over creepy sound effects. I must have listened to The Pit and the Pendulum over a hundred times.

2. This One Cassette of Christian Songs That Frightened the Hell Out of Me
I don’t know who gave this album to me, nor do I remember much of it except for this one song that was about the dangers of sin and the horrors of eternal punishment. Scared the hell out of me, but I was compelled to hear it again and again.

3. Oliver & Company Soundtrack
“Why should I worry? Why should I care?”

4. Flood, They Might Be Giants
I first heard Particle Man and Istanbul not Constantinople during an episode of Tiny Toon Adventures. It was also the first music video that I remember seeing.

5. Weird “Al” Yankovic, The Food Album
“Nobody appreciates a guy with a good imagination.”

6. Kraftwerk, Computer World
My dad worked at a record store when I was a kid. One day he brought me home this album and told me that it was the way of the future. I believed him.

7. Jethro Tull, Thick as a Brick
Yet another recommendation of my father’s. We would jam out to this album together so much that one day he bought it for me.

8. The Presidents of the United States of America, Self-titled
I was always an outcast throughout school. Once, during the seventh grade, I was singing Lump to myself and a girl in front of me turned around and said, “wow, you are actually cool.” She never spoke to me again after that, but I never forgot the first time that somebody actually called me cool. It wouldn’t happen again until college.

9. Metallica, The Black Album
Entering high school now. Overweight, no social skills, bad at sports, big ears, a walking target. Yeah, I was angry.

10. White Zombie, Astro-Creep: 2000
My closest friends at the time started listening to a lot of metal at the start of high school. I listened to a lot of Pantera and Marilyn Manson and so on, but White Zombie was definitely my favorite. I still listen to this album today.

11. Alanis Morrisette, Jagged Little Pill
Yeah, the metal thing didn’t last long.

12. Soul Asylum, Candy from a Stranger
Don’t even remember how I found this album, nor would I listen to it today, but this album was my junior year of high school.

13. Weezer, The Blue Album
Everything changed when I found Weezer. I could say that this and Pinkerton are the most pivotal albums in the development of my musical taste.

14. Weezer, Pinkerton
Legendary. Every song on this album was written about me. No, really.

15. Rushmore Soundtrack
I wish I lived in a Wes Anderson movie. I would be so clever and sharply dressed and would get to meet Bill Murray. Oh well, with this album, I can at least pretend.

16. Cat Stevens, Teaser and the Firecat
I will never stop listening to Cat Stevens. I just can’t do it.

17. Radiohead, Kid A
I have listened to Radiohead before, but Kid A was the album that sucked me in. I listened to this album during rehearsals for a play called Oh Best Beloved. It was my first year of college.

18. The Anniversary, Designing a Nervous Breakdown
This album and I shared a five month long period of depression that brought us incredibly close.

19. The Get Up Kids, Red Letter Day (EP)
Not only was this abum important to me, but I believe that Mass Pike is one of the most important songs in music. Period. Now if you excuse me, I’m going to drive to work sreaming the lyrics to Red Letter Day at the top of my lungs. No, I’m not drunk.

20. Sigur Ros, Ágætis byrjun
This is one of those albums that always happened to be playing whenever anything important (tragic or joyful) was happening. It has therefore engraved itself as part of the soundtrack of my life.

21. Ozma, Rock and Roll Part Three and The Doubble Donkey Disc
So now I finally have the internet and I am learning how to find music online. I downloaded some songs from both these albums as I got into them, so I have to classify both of them as one. Eventually I would buy these albums when I saw Ozma live in Houston with The Impossibles.

22. The Postal Service, Give Up
I have listened to this album consistently since it came out and have still not gotten tired of it.

23. Sigur Ros, ( )
I wrote my first play while listening to this album. I may have lost my mind also, but I found it in a bush in the backyard next to the plastic Santa Clause.

24. Tilly and the Wall, Wild Like Children
I picked this album up when I saw them open for Rilo Kiley at Emo’s. I see them every time they come to Austin. Amazing live show. Right up there with the Red Elvises and Of Montreal. Go see them.

25. Lou Reed, Transformer
Anybody who wants to know how this album affected me should read Issue # 2 of TalkHard Magazine.

26. Dan Bern, Self-Titled
Jerusalem may be the most important song of my entire life. I sing it to myself every day, and if you ever want me to sing it to you, just ask me and I will. There are a tremendous few who understand where this comes from.

27. The Shins, Chutes to Narrow
This album is the perfect soundtrack to your life during those brief moments of beauty. Once I had a beautiful moment last for around three solid months with this album playing the whole time.

28. Pedro the Lion, It’s Hard to Find a Friend
I’ve been listening to this album, trying to remember why it is so important, but now I’m just so depressed that I can’t move. Leave me alone.

29. The Decemberists, Her Majesty The Decemberists
If Red Right Ankle ever plays in my proximity, I will shed a tear and sing along at the top of my lungs. Seriously. This album found me during the midst of the Blue Cave Den. If anybody who was there is reading this, I have something to tell you: the Mama Tree was cut down.

30. The Beatles, The White Album
I once knew a girl who sang Why Don’t We Do It In the Road? to me as I took a leak on the side of an apartment building in San Antonio. Now I am often compelled to sing it at inappropriate times. Ah, memories.

31. Rilo Kiley, More Adventurous
Remember those three months of solid beauty I mentioned? Well, at the end of the beauty, I found More Adventurous.

32. Tom Waits, The Early Years Vol 2
Thus began my love of Tom Waits, which has never waivered. This album in particular takes me back to a brief period of my life when I worked as a Carpenter in Boerne, TX. Every morning before work I would watch Harold and Maude. My daily drive was down a long path of highway that was overgrown with sunflowers and bluebonnets, like an expressionistic paining flowing by me on both sides. The evenings were when I would listen to Tom Waits, surrounded by close friends, subtle romance, and the excitement of an upcoming adventure. We were all happy prisoners together on the verge of being set free.

33. Her Space Holiday, The Young Machines
Me and close friends and this album on a road trip from Texas to Maine.

34. The Format, Interventions and Lullibies
There is a lighthouse in Maine, off the coast of Acadia, that I shared with this album.

35. The Good Life, Album of the Year
I learned how to play the harmonica by playing along with this album. I also learned that you can never go back home. Ever.

36. Yann Tiersen, Le Phare
I adore this man’s music. In fact, I still listen to this album nearly every day. It inspires me like no other album ever has.

37. Death Cab for Cutie, Plans
Yes, I know that Transatlanticism is their best album, but this is the album that I took with me when I moved to Austin. At that point in my life, I seriously thought that I was the messiah. Yeah. That’s right. I have no explanation for that.

38. Ben Folds, Songs for Silverman
This album reminds me of one of my closest friends, which is weird because we were in a fight throughout the time I listened to it the most. It was my fault, by the way.

39. Tom Waits, Raindogs
I used to go to some incredibly debaucherous parties, every Tuesday night, only a couple of years ago. Yes, they were legendary. I have seen and done things of which I am not proud, oh hell, yes I am. Anyway, we would dance to Raindogs at every single one of these parties without exception.

40. Don Mclean, American Pie
This album and I spent some serious time alone together in a cursed house. There was the residue of death in every room. I lost it. Everybody who came inside did. Let’s not talk about it, okay? I hope that place sinks into the earth. I hope it is swallowed. Great album though.

41. Simon and Garfunkel, Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme
It just is. I can’t think of why. But this is where it belongs.

42. Iron and Wine, Our Endless Numbered Days
Holy mother of god this album is beautiful!

43. Sun Kil Moon, Ghosts of the Great Highway
When I first moved to Austin, years before I actually listened to this band, I stayed in the basement apartment of my friend Anna. She gave me a guayabera (that I still cherish) and let me use her freezing cold shower. She read my stories and told me that they were too sad and asked for advice about a boy she liked. She really helped me when I was getting started, and I haven’t forgotten that. We lost touch rather quickly, though I have heard that she is married now. Anyway, she played this album as I dozed off on her windowsill. Much later, when I heard the album, it sounded familiar and safe. I listened to it and gradually found a memory that I thought was long forgotten.

44. The Indelicates, American Demo
This album totally sums up how I feel about music today. It makes me feel both powerful and defeated.

45. Of Montreal, Skeletal Lamping
This album makes me think of somebody special.

46. Antony and the Johnsons, The Crying Light
The final album on my list. I have only recently discovered it. It brings me endless inspiraton. This may be a little premature, but I think that I will be listening to this one for years to come.

Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed my list. You will never get this time back.



How (not) to make a Zine Chapter One

Jonnie and I started putting out TalkHard a little over a year ago and have learned a lot since then. Now that I have started blogging, I thought it would be interesting to start a column (an e-column?) about how we do what we do and why. This column will include the story of how some articles are created, why some make print and why some must be canceled.

Issue 5 is hot on the way, but which Issue 5 will it be? We have two separate issues nearly ready to go. One issue will be an brutally honest investigation of the psyche of our co-founder Jonnie. The other issue is our usual hotchpotch of things that we find interesting, useful information, and dick and fart jokes.

We did just have a set back on an article that I am working on. I'll share. I stopped by a local bicycle shop to take pictures of some graffiti that I thought was cool enough to put in the zine, (I am fascinated by the tags around Austin), but found that it was being painted over. I talked to the guy painting and he told me that the wall of this shop is a popular spot for taggers, but that he wished somebody might put a decent bike related piece of art on the store that they wouldn't paint over, but they are getting tired of the frequent tags that they are getting.

So I got the idea of doing an article that was a call for artists (like a mural artist) to come and give this store the beautiful work of art for which they've be waiting. The manager thought it was a good idea, but he wanted me to meet and ask the owner first. So, tomorrow, hopefully, I will. I'm drafting the article tonight. Isn't it strange how one article can become another so quickly.

Oh, and I have some good leads on a Yellow Bike Project story that I want to run. We shall see what becomes of it...


painstaking introduction aside...

Tequila + triple sec + orange juice = welcome to TalkHard.

My name is Jonnie and I can't stop listening to a song on repeat. For the past hour.

So welcome to TalkHard. This blog is going to supplement the zine that we distribute across the condo-covered city that is Austin, Texas. We have put out a few issues already, and you may have read them. Good for you. We're friends now. Our next issue is coming out pretty soon, probably in a couple of weeks. I'll keep you posted.

The song is Let Down, by the way.

So my name is Jonnie and I have some things to say that involve the following subjects:
-I love/hate/can't stop having sex with Austin
-Hey, did you know that (so and so)?
-What the fuck is wrong with America/Austin/my/your/neighborhood and what can we do to fix it?
-My houseplant told me...
-Talkhard is having a contest for whoever can write (will fill in the blank later)
-Gawd, people are so stupid/careless
-Seriously, what is wrong with us?
-(waaaaay too personal...)
-Here's how you can help (yourself/others)...
-Why are you even here?
-The new issue of TalkHard is at (insert locations)
-Check out this thing I made!
-Boo hoo hoo...
-Yadda yadda yadda
-You you you you you!
-Me me me me me me!

So here we go. Lets do this.

Blogs away.