OSCAR picks 2009

Richard and My take on what liberal fatcat's taking home a golden statue

BEST PICTURE
R: Slumdog Millionaire made me fall back in love with being alive. It was the first truly globalized movie. Not just amazing, but intellectually appealing.
N: Milk had everything I needed. But also I like watching boys make out.

ACTRESS
R&N: Winslet wins! Winslet wins! GOOOOOOOAAAAAL!!!!

ACTOR
N: Langella makes the most sense. Fallen despot too prideful to feel anything but sorry for? I will lick those jowls.
R: I can’t remember who else was up for actor.

SUPPORTING ACTRESS
N: For having such a unassuming face, Marisa Tomei makes everything evident in the stitch of an eyebrow or the twitch of a nipple. Nineties sucked.
R: Marisa Tomei all the way. She’s the hottest 75 year old I’ve ever seen.


SUPPORTING ACTOR
N: R.D. junior. Non-ironic blackface meets ironic blackface meets-- how the hell did we get here? Also, best comeback EVER. Let’s not spoil it. p.s. if Heath Ledger would’ve died a little later he would totally be my pick.
R: Philip Seymour Hoffman: don’t you just wanna lie in bed and cuddle with him? I bet he’s a good cuddler. Haven’t seen the movie though.


ANIMATED PIC
N: Wall-E made me cry like a baby, but I was also on my period.
R: Wall-E. duh.

ART DIRECTION
N: Dark Knight. If only for the vehicles.
R: Dark Knight cause Heath Ledger’s dead.

CINEMATOGRAPHY
N: Slumdog Millionaire was so pretty. Those colors -- I could smell them. They were crunchy. And tasted like curry.
R: Slumdog Millionaire, it was just so fast paced. I was never bored. And I get bored so easily. I’m already bored just talking about it.


DIRECTOR
N: Boyle, but with VanSant hot on his heels. Tough one. This category is one of the hardest to decide.
R: Boyle for 28 Days Later


EDITING
N: Slumdog. So technically perfect. Bollyriffic.
R: See above.


MAKE UP
N: Hellboy II for sure. Guillermo DelToro rocks my box. I want to crawl inside that brain.
R: Ditto

MUSIC SCORE
N: Slumdog: rockin.
R: Have you bought any soundtracks to any of these movies? Cause I downloaded Slumdog. Sucka Lucka.

VISUAL EFFECTS
N: The Dark Knight prolly, but I’m not all that equipped to say.
R: Benjamin Button for fooling the academy into nominating it for so many awards. That has to be some kind of effect. I’m calling shenanigans.

WRITING (ADAPTED)
N: How can you manage to make a talky fucking political play into a genuinely engaging screenplay? I don’t know, ask that guy that adapted Frost/Nixon.
R: The Reader. I haven’t actually seen The Reader, but I read the first chapter and it was pretty good. I have no reason for this.

WRITING (ORIGINAL)
N: Wall-E. I don’t have to answer to any of you.
R: Oh yeah, Wall-E. It’s funny cause there’s so little actual script.

THE ANNUAL PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN AWARD
N: Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s a shoe-in
R: My money’s on Heath Ledger.